A sad day

Ryan Hammett: 10/31/89-4/28/08

Today is the second anniversary of the death of my son Ryan. He was 18 when he took his own life. After much turmoil, he is at last at peace. I miss him dearly and hope you will permit me this occasion to mourn his passing again. Two years later, this poem by W.H. Auden still cuts to the heart of my grief.

Stop all the clocks,

cut off the telephone,

Prevent the dog from barking

with a juicy bone,

Silence the pianos

and with muffled drum

Bring out the coffin,

let the mourners come.
Let the aeroplanes circle

moaning overhead

Scribbling on the sky

the message He Is Dead,

Put crepe bows round the white necks

of the public doves,

Let the traffic policemen

wear black cotton gloves.
He was my North, my South,

my East and West,

My working week

and my Sunday rest,

My noon, my midnight,

my talk, my song;

I thought that love

would last for ever:

I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now:

put out every one;

Pack up the moon

and dismantle the sun;

Pour away the ocean

and sweep up the wood.

For nothing now can ever

come to any good.

-W.H. Auden (1907-1973)

In my grief, I made several pieces of art to express the loss and keep me connected to Ryan. The one above is called "The Ties That Bind." It is a mixed media piece using bits of Ryan's clothing and things I found when cleaning out his bedroom. He often asked me to sew patches on his jeans and jackets, so it seemed appropos that I would take to that task once again for his sake.




This corner of my bedroom, the one I have never shown you, is an altar to Ryan and to everyone else whom I have lost. There are bits of my great-grandmother, my grandmother, my grandfather assembled here. If you are a feng shui practitioner, this might mean something to you; it is in the family tradition sector of the ba-gua.


The hand-quilted piece is called "Seeping" and was made to illustrate the way awareness of death drips slowly into one's consciuosness. It was made with a pair of Ryan's pants appliqued on silk and burlap. The dried flowers are from his memorial service.


This is the most recent piece I made using an old box and found objects along with some photos, acrylic paint, wire, and silk organza. I have not yet named it.

Art making has been a wonderful outlet for processing feelings. This blog was created as a way of distracting myself and surrounding myself with beauty, to balance out the darkness that comes at times. And so all of you who visit and leave comments have become a part of my healing. I am so grateful for your presence in my life. Thank you for being with me on my journey. Peace and love to you all today.

Until next tme...
Anne